


Chrysalis Blues

by bortlescale



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angel Castiel, Archangel Castiel, Dean Being an Idiot, Dean Talks About Feelings, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Human Dean, Mates, Multi, family don't end with blood - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 04:05:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5728909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bortlescale/pseuds/bortlescale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel always thought he and his best friend Dean would end up together, eventually.  But as Dean drifts away, Castiel isn't sure that he'll ever get him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chrysalis Blues

“Hey, Cas.”

Castiel finished grabbing things out of his locker and turned to walk with his best friend.

“Hello, Dean. Are you picking up Sam today?”

“Nah. Little nerd’s got himself a study date.”

“My house today? Gabriel’s on a business trip.”

“Actually, I’m gonna hang with this guy Benny.”

Castiel blinked a few extra times before replying, “Okay.” It’s not like he and Dean spent every moment of every day together, but, well, they kinda did. When not in class they were always together, even if just in the same room. They had other friends and everything, but for the most part you didn’t find one without the other nearby.

As they approached Castiel’s first period class, Dean clapped him on the shoulder with a, “See ya, man,” and went on his way. Castiel winced as his shoulder blade smarted a bit, he was probably going to start his wing growth spurts soon.

All through the day Dean’s new friend was in the back of Castiel’s mind, but by the end of it he had written it off. He and Dean were people independent of one another; he wasn’t going to get bent out of shape because Dean had a new friend.

 

* * *

 

The next few weeks, Castiel saw Dean less and less and when they were together, Dean talked about Benny more and more. At first, Castiel didn’t notice. Then, he figured it was the excitement of a new friendship. He was the same way when he made friends with Dean.   He would apparently always talk about Dean. Granted, he was four at the time, but the same rules could apply.

After a month, however, he figured the newness would fade, but things weren’t settling like he thought they would. Or, at least, not how he wanted. Dean started spending after school with Benny when he wasn’t with Sam. Then they started hanging out on the weekends. Then he started inviting Benny to do things with their friend group. Pretty soon, there wasn’t a time that Castiel spent with Dean that Benny wasn’t also around for. And as much as Castiel wanted to dislike Benny, he seemed like a good guy and a good friend to Dean.

There was something so at ease about the way Dean and Benny interacted that made Castiel feel more like an outsider. Benny was human like Dean. Benny was into sports and mechanics like Dean. Benny knew other stuff that interested Dean, like sailing. Benny had a drawling accent. Okay, maybe that one shouldn’t make a difference, but Castiel was starting to feel jealous. Maybe it was petty, but Castiel was feeling more and more pushed aside and couldn’t help but see how well Benny and Dean overlapped. So, Castiel withdrew more and more. And Dean didn't really seem to notice.

Castiel and Dean had never been romantically involved, hadn’t even talked about it, but Castiel kind of figured that things would head there eventually. Friend didn’t seem the right word to encompass what Dean was to him, but they had never crossed those lines. It seemed the inevitable outcome; just another path they would head down together. Castiel was sure Dean and he would be mates, bonding soul to grace when the time came. They had always been so close; he never wanted a life without Dean. But it looked like that wasn’t going to happen anymore. Hell, Castiel wasn’t sure how long he would be considered Dean’s best friend anymore.

And to top it off, he would be going through his growth spurts soon. It happened to all angels during puberty, when their wings and graces matured. It apparently ranged from being mildly uncomfortable to excruciating, depending on the amount of change. That is to say, depending on how large the wings would be and how strong the grace would become. Usually, having family and friends nearby would help the pain, even if they were human, as the familiarity and connection of their souls and graces would sooth the turmoil. Mates were the best to have around, but having mates as a teen was rare nowadays.

In his heart, though, Castiel already had a mate and he wouldn’t be around for this. In short, this was going to suck.

 

* * *

 

The first growth pains started not even a week later. Castiel was at home, thankfully, but there was no one around, unfortunately. At first he just couldn’t get comfortable. He squirmed in his chair until the discomfort gave way to pain. Sharp and slicing, his upper back radiated pain, causing him to hunch and tense. The pain kept increasing until he couldn’t ignore it anymore. His mind was only on the pain, seemingly mapping out each nerve and finding which one hurt more than the last.

By the time Gabriel got home, Castiel was shirtless, face down on his bed, panting through the pain.

“Hey, kiddo. Growing pains starting?” Gabriel asked softly, coming into his room.

Castiel simply nodded and reached out for his brother. The pain had abated when Gabriel was close enough, but contact would enhance those soothing effects.

“Maybe you’ll be an archangel like big bro, eh? My pains were a bastard and it looks like yours are gonna be the same.”

Archangels have more than one set of wings and incredibly powerful graces. That would mean a lot of change and a lot of pain for Castiel.

He just buried his face in a pillow.

 

* * *

 

Castiel was right. The next few weeks sucked. He went to school as much as he could, but the growing pains only got worse and more prolonged. Luckily, the schools had a system in place to deal with growing angels. His friend Charlie became his class stand-in and homework buddy.   Really, he was lucky to have such a good friend and he and Charlie grew closer after spending so much time together. He was spending less and less time dwelling over the loss of Dean and more time strengthening a different bond. That and being in pain.

Even some of his cousins and other friends came by to help with the change. When Charlie wasn’t with him, she made an effort to gather their friends and hang out at his house, even if he was in another room, because she knew having them around would help but he didn’t necessarily want to socialize a whole bunch. Gabriel was more than happy to open up the house and have new targets for pranks.

Dean was over a few times as well. Castiel could always tell when Dean was nearby because his pain would reduce drastically, but Castiel never let Dean come see him. He knew it would be too much if he got in close proximity with Dean, heaven forbid, even physical contact. His pain would probably get close to vanishing and he couldn’t handle having that and then having Dean leave. Castiel’s grace would want to strengthen the bond with his chosen mate and it would only hurt more when his mate didn’t want him back.

 

* * *

 

The pains reached their peak shortly into the summer. As his grace thrummed throughout his whole body like burning ice, Castiel lay sobbing. His brother cradled his head in his lap, soothing him as best he could, running his hand through his hair and humming nonsensical tunes off-key. It reminded Castiel of when he was younger, after their parents had died. He and his brother would curl up together, knowing that they were alone now in the world, but glad to have each other.

His whole grace was in upheaval, not only affecting his physical body but his emotions as well. Nothing he did reduced the pain at all and now he was on an emotional roller coaster. He was mulling over his parents’ deaths one moment and blissfully grateful for his brother the next. It was exhausting, but the physical pains wouldn’t let him sleep.

In one fit of despair, Castiel told his brother about how he felt like he was losing Dean. His old hopes for their future, watching them fade away as Dean found someone new, retreating to protect himself, and how he knew his grace had chosen Dean as his mate but Dean didn’t want him anymore.

Eventually, he must have fallen asleep, because next thing he knew it was late afternoon and he was waking up to the sound of knocking at his door.

“Come in,” he rasped.

And who should enter but none other than a sheepish Dean Winchester. Feeling better than he had in weeks, Castiel slowly sat up and eyed him.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas. How are you?”

“Fine,” Castiel answered slowly.

Dean did not look convinced. “Well, Gabriel sent me up because he said it would make you feel better.”

Castiel waited, still parsing why Dean was here.

“Why haven’t you let me up to see you?” Dean asked, “I mean, I know you’re not seeing a lot of people ‘cause the whole growing thing, but Charlie said that being near people close to you helps. And I’ve been here a few times to hang out with everyone, to help. But I thought closer proximity was supposed to help more. And I tried, but Charlie or Gabriel just kept telling me not to come up here. I know you were telling them to keep me away. So, why are you avoiding me?” Dean ranted, voice getting louder.

At first Castiel was silent, incredulity warring with sheer relief at Dean’s attentiveness, slight though it may be. But the lest few months of grief and pain weighed down on him, tinder to a spark of frustration that now grew into a fully fueled anger.

Deceptively calm, Castiel slowly got up from his bed, unbothered by his state of near undress, and faced Dean. “I’m sorry,” he growled, “Was that me you were referring to? You wanted to see me? I must have gotten mixed up somehow, with you spending all of your free time without me. How silly that I could misinterpret that as you wanting to spend time together. Of course with my busy schedule of doing nothing and doing nothing but feeling like I have needles in my blood I could see how you would think I’m too busy for you.” Slowly stalking forward, Castiel continued, “What precisely in the last few months has given you any indication that I wouldn’t want to spend time with my best friend? Actually, now that I think about it, I suppose you wouldn’t know since I never see you anymore, even since before my growth spurts started. I really should have intuited that you missed me by the way that you almost completely shut me out of your life.”

Dean swallowed hard, wide-eyed, as Castiel loomed near. “It’s not like the person closest me since I was four years old suddenly disappeared from my life.” Castiel’s voice started to become quieter, weighed with sorrow, rushing in like the tide, burning out his anger. “It’s not like the single person that could soothe my grace the most barely deigned to give me the time of day anymore, except maybe when he felt bad that I was in pain. It’s not like the person I envisioned a future with decided I wasn’t good enough anymore.”

For a single still moment, both boys stood, breathing each other’s air. Then Castiel turned, concealing the tears in his eyes, and trudged back to the bed. He wanted to turn back and see Dean’s reaction, but couldn’t bear to, especially as the silence echoed on.

“Just go, Dean.”

Castiel listened for the quiet click of the door before crawling into bed and wrapping himself in his comforter. For once, Castiel was glad for the pain that steadily sank in the farther Dean got from him - it distracted him from the strangling void in his chest.

 

* * *

 

“How’d it go with Dean?” Gabriel asked later that night.

Castiel barely stuck his head out of his blanket burrito to answer, “Not well.”

Gabriel waited for him to continue, sitting down and drawing his head into his lap, running a soothing hand through his hair.

“He wanted to know why I was avoiding him and I went off about him basically ignoring me for the past few months. I still don't know why he did that. He didn’t even notice when I first started avoiding him.”

“What else did he say?”

“Nothing. I kind of told him I had envisioned future with him and then told him to leave.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” Castiel sighed, “I just didn’t want to see him react badly or with pity or something.”

“I get it Cassie, I do, that makes sense.”

“But?”

“But you guys need to try again. He’s your best friend, Cassie, your mate. I know you’re not going to give up on him now.”

 

* * *

 

Castiel decided to talk to Dean a few days later. His growth spurts were still bad, but he was in a lull for the moment. As he walked up to the Winchester house, he was struck with a brief nostalgia. It had been a while since he’d been here and had forgotten how much of a second home it had been. After knocking on the door, he was greeted by Mary and pulled into a warm hug. He took a moment to bask in her presence, which always reminded him of sunflowers.

“It’s really good to see you MaeMae,” Castiel smiled, using a nickname he and Gabriel had bestowed on her when they were younger. Mary became a second mother to them when he became friends with Dean and helped them a lot after their parents had passed.

“You too, bluebird. I don’t know what all’s going on with you and Dean, but you guys will work it out,” she replied, kissing his temple. She pulled back to hold him at arm’s length and smiled, “You’ll always be a part of this family.”

As Castiel headed up the stairs to Dean’s room, he realized part of why it hurt so much to feel like he was losing Dean. He was separated from part of his family too. He might have been avoiding Dean, but he had been so absorbed in his potential mate that he didn’t think about the rest of the family. Both Mary and Sam had reached out in the past few months, but he always gave them weak excuses and vague answers. He would have to make that up to them, no matter what happened with Dean.

He knocked on Dean’s door and got what he assumed was an affirmative grunt. Dean was still looking down at a car magazine when Castiel walked in.

“What’s up?” Dean said, still not looking up.

“Hello, Dean.”

Head whipping up, Dean’s eyes widened. “Cas?”

“I thought we could talk. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, yeah man. Take a seat,” Dean said, gesturing to the other end of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay. I’m in a lull right now.”

“Good, that’s good.”

They both paused a moment and then tried to start talking at the same time, finally looking at one another. Something in that moment eased the tension between them and they both snickered.

“I’ve missed you,” Castiel uttered quietly.

“I’ve missed you too,” Dean returned, “And, I’m sorry, man.” Running a hand down his face, Dean sighed. “Look, this is going to sound stupid, but I didn’t really notice that we hadn’t been hanging out as much for so long because you were always there.”

Castiel tilted his head with a confused expression.

“I mean, there were so many times when I was hanging out with Benny that I was like, I bet Cas would like this, or would smile at some joke we had. You just, you were always there even if you weren’t really there.” Dean’s shoulders sagged and quietly he added, “You’re always here, Cas,” tapping above his heart.

Before Castiel could respond, Dean barreled on, “I know that ridiculous, ‘cause just thinking about what you would do or say isn’t that same as having you actually there and then by the time I realized that, you were avoiding me. And don’t tell me you weren’t. And then I was so confused about why you were avoiding me and angry that I couldn’t see my best friend, and I just,” Dean tapered off, “yeah.”

It was ridiculous, Castiel thought, so ridiculous he was amazed by it, but he believed it too. He stood and Dean seemed to completely wilt, looking down in defeat, but Castiel tugged on his arm to get him to stand and drew him into a fierce hug.

“You’re such an idiot.”

Dean chuckled weakly, “I know.”

Castiel laid his head on Dean’s shoulder and relaxed into the embrace as they lightly rocked from foot to foot.

After they pulled apart, Dean held Castiel’s arm, “Are we going to be okay?”

Castiel smiled and nodded.

That night he had dinner with all the Winchesters and soaked in having the rest of his family back.

 

* * *

 

The next time his growth spurts hit, Castiel called Dean to come over. He curled up and relaxed as Dean sat at the end of the bed. They talked about what they had missed in each other’s lives. Eventually, Castiel brought up the topic he knew they still needed to talk about.

“Remember when I mentioned the future between us?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“What did you think about that?” Castiel asked.

“I don’t know, I hadn’t thought a lot about it.”

“Oh.”

“I mean,” Dean scrambled, hearing Castiel’s saddened inflection, “whenever it crossed my mind you were always there. I just, never really thought it could be any other way. And then when you said that, I actually thought about it more and I still don’t want a future without you.”

Castiel was still with hope, “In what way?”

“In every way. You’ll always be my best friend and you’re family and maybe you could be something else?” Dean intently studied his hands in his lap, “Angels have mates, right?”

“Right.”

“So, maybe we could be mates someday?” Dean asked, looking up, a hesitant but open expression on his face.

“I would like that.” Castiel answered.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Castiel smiled.

Dean returned with one of his own, “Awesome.” Dean rested his hand on Castiel’s ankle and squeezed lightly, leaving it there as they continued to talk about their lives and their plans.

 

* * *

 

The first time they held hands in front of Charlie, she broke out into a dance and high fived imaginary angels.

Mary hugged them both and blubbered about her boys growing up.

Sam muttered something about waiting ‘til they were 18 and owing Charlie $20, but gave them a warm smile.

Gabriel said nothing, but Castiel came home one day to find all his drawers filled with condoms and hot apple pie warming lube.

 

The first time Dean reached for his hand, Castiel looked into his eyes and knew he would always fight for this.


End file.
